The Perfect Fan...by Amanda
We were always close, my son and I. I was always afraid of losing my baby, afraid I wouldn't get to
know him. To think that he trusted me? At a young age Brian was confronted with limits,
boundaries he had to keep within. So many times I didn't want to let him out of my sight, others I
wish I could've let him run free. Run? Isn't that ironic, now when I look back and realize that's all
he wanted to do. He always begged his father and I to let him run with the rest of the kids. Brian
couldn't, he was different. The hole in his heart didn't shrink as was told it would do, and his heart
grew. Brian grew more tired than usual, you see he's in a singing group, he was. I let him sing and
dance, things I knew he shouldn't do, but let him run free. He was told he was to have a routine
heart surgery to close the hole. I trusted it was the right decision, it wasn't urgent to the doctor's,
and Brian put it off as long as he could. See, my Brian loved his fans, he at least wanted to finish
the tour. Then the day came. I saw Brian laying there in the bed and flashbacks flashed through
my mind. I saw my little five-year old baby laying there. Looking at me with his piercing blue eyes,
begging me to take him home. Like then, and now, I couldn't, once again I was leaving my child in
the care of people I trust. I remember when I had to say good-bye, I didn't know just what to say.
Then I remembered the night before when I found an envelope addressed, "Mom" in Brian's
handwriting. Now thinking back I remember what it held.
Dear Mom,
I couldn't tell you face to face what you meant to me. So I did what I do best and wrote this for
you.
It takes alot to know what is love
It's not the big things but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
There is never a day that passes by
I don't think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to suceed
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
Cause mom you always were
The perfect fan
God has been so good
Blessing me with a family
Who did all they could
Now I've had many years of grace
And it flatters me when I see
A smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you've done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son
You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
You showed me that you would always be there
And I wanna thank you for that time
And I'm proud to say you're mine
Mom, you always were
You know you always were
Mom you always were
You know you always were
The perfect fan
I love you, mom
I remembered those words and reached in my pocket and felt the note. Before they took him from
me, I did tell him I loved him, and told him something that meant just as much. I told him that he
was the "perfect son". He smiled at me, that smile is still and will forever be etched in my mind. I
said it for two reasons, one-it was true; two-I knew it would mean alot to him to know that I read
it. Brian died in surgery, some kind of complications. At his funeral I read the poem, letter, or song
whatever he meant it to be. Like on earth, as is in heaven my Brian has a golden heart. If you ask
why I didn't cry after the funeral? Because I knew Brian was happier in heaven, cause un-like on
earth my baby could run. 
